Running away from yourself

Those words hit home with me when I heard Bob Harper tell Rosie O' D that on her show. Rosie was talking about how she hated her body and couldn't look at herself and Bob brought up such a good point and said, you can't be like that, because it will make you want to run away from yourself. Instead you need get naked, stand in front of the mirror and embrace yourself, love yourself right where you are at.

When we run from ourselves, we turn to, all sorts of things except ourselves and it only adds to further disappointment. It was an Ah Hah moment for me. I do that allot... I turn to food to run from myself... I find myself so stressed out lately with school that I have really turned to food for comfort and soothing. I am working out just not to gain weight and it's driving me crazy.

So today, I choose a different approach. I think I made up my mind that school is just not for me. I will finish out this year, and apply for the PTA program and then look for a job, and hopefully get a decent job. I feel more peace today about that decision... I am calm and just led by my heart. I will of course pray and take inventory of my emotions, situation, goals, etc., in the months to come but this is the direction that I am going.

My approach is to embrace myself. I am OK with who I am, where I am and I love myself right where I am. No more running, no more desperate attempts to have to lose all my weight overnight. It's holding me back and stressing out me out. So, I will make healthier choices and maybe set a goal to lose 1 lb. a week for right now and in a month or so, check in and see where I am at.

Losing weight is more than just sticking to a diet and working out; it is 90% emotional for me. I am really great at beating myself up while loving everyone else, and giving everyone else I love bounds of grace but for some odd reason, never extending that to myself, nor loving myself the way that I need to be loved. I feel in such a good place today. The stress of school is over, the stress of have to lose all my weight right now is over, the stress of being mad at myself for school and not losing weight is over.

Today, I have peace. I close my eyes and just embrace this moment and am thankful for it and all my blessings and the strength to carry on and to live to fight another day. I am not under the gun in any manner. I got to clean my house and start a craft project while drinking tea and having a cookie and it was nice. It was just what the doctor ordered.

I have a million creative ideas running through my head and all these crafts and projects I wanna start. I also want this Summer to be active; swimming, tennis, hikes, biking etc., I want to have a fantastic active summer. I want to work in my yard and make it cute, I want to grow a garden. I have some Easter projects I wanna make.

Tomorrow I am going to make Easter cookies and deliver to my loved ones to put a smile on their face. I cannot tell you enough how badly, I just want a job instead of going to school. I have never wanted a normal schedule with no pressure, stress, deadlines from four different classes all at once and make sure you memorize everything too.

Today I give myself the gift of peace and with that, I smile and soak up the rest that comes along with that. My mind is restful and there is a balance right now today.

Never run away from yourself, run towards yourself, you are worth it. We all are.