Dear Mistie

If I could write a letter to myself it would say:

Dear Mistie,

I am so glad that you have come to a point in your life where you are no longer participating in hating yourself, for things you eat, or didn’t eat, or how much you worked out, or didn’t work out, or the empty promises you would always make to yourself.

I am proud of you on so many levels. Your weight loss journey as been one that has been slow, yet steady, and even if it takes you two years to lose all of your weight, I just want you to know that, that’s ok. This is not a race, this is your life and you are making permanent changes, to a lifetime of bad habits. You didn’t get to be this weight overnight and you’re not going to take it off overnight either.

One year ago, you would go home from work every day and feel tired and fatigued and would watch Oprah, upon other shows, make a nice fattening dinner, eat, and watch more TV. Your back hurt you every night and when you woke up, you didn’t feel refreshed and lacked desperately the energy needed to go through the entire day. If you did have anything pressing to do that day that required energy, you knew you had better get it done first thing in the morning, because you were not going to have the energy to get it done later.

Do you remember how you stopped hosting parties at your house, because cleaning and then cooking the entire day, wiped out your back and your feet? Let’s talk about your feet, you walked with a limp because you had planters feitcias (sp?)so bad, you couldn’t walk. Going up the stairs, winded you and you craved a sedentary lifestyle.

Fashion Bug,  no matter how much you may love the store, you know it was the only would you could shop at. You were in the largest size they made, 32. You are now between a 28 and 26 (neither size fits right, one is a little snug and one is a little big) That is HUGE girlfriend, you are doing this! Shirts are looser, chairs fit better!!!!

You started at 2 miles an hour, now you almost have 3 mph down! That's pretty big too.

Sleep? You sleep like a baby! You used to toss and turn, and it took you forever to fall alseep.

Flexibility, your palms can touch the ground flat palmed when you stretch!

You have ended that vicious cycle of mental anguish of hating yourself for being overweight. You started a new diet every day, and would fail by dinner time, beat yourself up, and then eat more, and then feel even more worse.

I am proud of you that today, you zing out of bed and have the energy to walk three miles, work all day, go home and walk again, if you want, or do housework, whatever it may be… I just want you to celebrate how far you have come, not that it has taken you a long time, but rather, enjoy the journey, where you are now and know that you have peace and joy again. Your dreams are within reach. You believe in yourself again, and you are worth it. It has been allot of hard work, but he harder you work, the less painful it is.

I love you very much and don’t you give up!

LIVE YOUR DREAM!

LOVE,

YOURSELF!

Big WEEK

I am happy to report, I lost 3.8 lbs last week. This week is important to me, I have a goal to lose six pounds. While, it's a pretty big number, the milestone it represents is a BIG accomplishment for me. It will mean two things, that I have lost 10% of my total weight since I started Weight Watchers, as well as it means I will be at 299! I could hop up and down at just the sight of that number on the screen in front of me. Transfer that to the scale and you have a very happy girl.

So, how will I accomplish this mission?

1. Drinking 100+ oz of water.
2. Walking at least 3 miles a day.
3. Not eating after 7 pm
4. Eating fruits and veggies
5. Eating Fish three times this week.
6. Staying positive and blogging.


I have always been a golfer, and I don't mean in the sense that you might think. If you are thinking fields of greens, eighteen holes and a bag of clubs... you have me mistaken with my husband. He loves to play the sport of Golf, I hate it. Who knows, maybe when I am in shape, I may discover that it's been the missing ingredient to my life. (I doubt that very much).

When I say that I am a golfer, I mean that I eat my food very fast. I am sure the proper spelling or phrasing would be engulfing. I never was into grammar, or being proper anyhow, so if you don't mind, I will leave it.
Not only am I trying to eat slower, but I am actually allowing myself to get full before I go help myself to seconds. So waiting for my brain to catch up, signal that hey your full... is something new to me.

I am starting to believe in myself, a little more each day. If I can dream it, than I can achieve it. This is true for all of us. I truly believe if we have a passion or desire in our hearts, that's God telling us, this is your purpose. See it, Dream it, Achieve it.

I lived through yesterday without emotional eating and that is a BIG thing for me. I am not going to mention names, or events that occurred but I will just say this. Someone was intentionally trying to hurt me yesterday and they won. They stole my power, joy and my peace. I was so ANGRY with this person, it shook me to my core. I have never been so insulted in my entire life. Direct shot taken, to the heart. Mission accomplished. Mistie was down.

Wanting to throw in the towel, hands up in the air, put up my wall and erase this person from my life forever is what I wanted to do. However, God so had my back and thank you to the words of a genuine friend, at the end of the day, I felt much more loved, than hated on and this friend encouraged me to not quit, to keep going and to just be me... My friend reminded me that, even though this person was out to get me, that I had all of this support, and love from several people who love me and want to see me succeed and that have my back. This meant more to me, than my friend will ever know. The love and support from my family and friends outweighs what the enemy will do to me. He who is in me, is stronger than he who is in the world.

I have a long way to go to get to where I wont let this person bother me. I forgive this person AGAIN. I rest in knowing that this person is not going to get the best of me. This is your issue, not mine and I will not lose another day to anguish and turmoil in my spirit. I will do the right thing, so that I have no regrets not expecting equal measure in return.

I pray for this person, that they be blessed and stop being a JERK. Yea, I can say that. LOL but more importantly that I never be shaken again.
Whoever said being a Christan was easy, isn't one. It's the hardest walk I have ever done, but it's been the best path, I've ever taken and I am very grateful for the love of God, my husband, family and friends. I am Blessed in the city, I am blessed in the Fields.

He works things out for the good of those who love Him and I know He is working this out. I know that I can complete my journey on my weight loss, and I put my hope in Him. I am so glad I don't have to do this walk alone.


It is going to be a extremely busy week juggling about 15 balls.

Stay tuned.... : )

That's not my problem.

How do you not let someone else's issue effect you? If I were to choose a list of five things in my life to conquer, #1 would be food, #2, would be to let other people’s problems and issues remain theirs. Stop taking false ownership of something that wasn't mine to begin with. I am an over thinker, I internalize everything and worry too much. - Learning how to renew my mind. I believe that this is a side dish, if you will, of being a caring, loving and sensitive person. How can I be both someone who loves, but doesn't take the world on my shoulders?

This week, I decided I need to focus on me, the only person I have control over, is me. Learning how to live one day at a time, only focus on the things that I CAN control. I know easier said than done. It's not that I don't love, or care, it's just that by worrying about someone else’s issue or problem isn't helping me, or them. It's useless. I need to make better use of my time and power.

On a brighter note:


God made a beautiful day today. I got up and walked 3.25 miles this morning, it was very cold out. I have to get more miles in. The week before last I was sick, and last week with my vacation, I didn't walk as much. While I had every intention of sticking to my points and eating well while I was away.. Yea, that didn't happen. I am a sucker for shrimp that is fried and halibut, beer battered. We drank at least two latte's a day, that right there is half my points. So moving on, not going to dwell.

However, this will be week 3 that I am at the same weight. That is not ok. I am more determined than ever to stay focused... journal, track my points, walk and stay positive while I watch my portion control. I realized this is my biggest pit fall. So I must learn moderation, that would be #3 on the list.

#4 Would be to live each day inspired... to live each day with such a passion. Not jut today but...Every day!

#5 I don't know what number 5 would be, I will have to think about that.

Well I am off to start my day, making healthy choices and using wisdom. Inspired to get healthy, and treat myself with dignity and love.

4/5/2011 - Ticker update

The Sun Makes me Shine!

I don't know what it is about the sunshine, but it makes me happy.
Don't get me wrong, I love all weather, season's etc., however this winter seemed to start in November and clearly overstayed it's welcome. The last two weeks have been a constant rain, sleet mixed with allot of clouds and wind. Not today. Pure sunshine. It revitalized me. I walked 3 miles this morning before work. I Finally am walking 20 minute miles, compared to November, I was walking 30 minute miles.

I must say this; improving my stamina agrees with me. The more weight I lose, the lighter on my feet I will be. I am feeling strong today as well as very positive about the future. I have a goal to be at 299 pounds by the time I do blooms day. My goal is to finish it in two hours and thirty minutes. A week an a half ago, it took me two hours and forty three minutes.

I am so close to being below that three hundred mark. I need to stay focused. It's the next 45 pounds that will be life changing for me. I haven't seen a 2 in front of my weight since I was 19 years old.. WOW, that was 14 years ago. OK, stay focused Mistie.

I am excited to be going on a mini vacation get away this weekend to the ocean. This trip will be different than other vacations. I will still have to count my points and get my exercise in. I am excited to walk along the beaches for my exercise in the morning. I feel free when I am at the ocean. The ocean is so mysterious, beautiful, dangerous and yet there is this entire separate world beneath what the eye can see. I can gaze at the ocean for hours,soaking up the image of it's mass and am in complete awe of it's magnitude and beauty.

I also am looking forward to spending time with my husband, my brother and Pascale. Let's hope that Pascale and John can handle my brother and me in the same car for 8+ hours! Road trip. Love it. Fun.
We will stay in a two bedroom place right on the Ocean. We have a full kitchen, so we have the ability to cook our own meals, IF we want. I won't have computer access while I am away, so no blogging until I come back.

Last time John and I went to Lincoln City we stopped at a restaurant on the beach called, Kyllio's
This is what I had, and I will be going back for more.

This is a Parmesan crusted halibut with crab and tomatoes on top.

THREE WORDS

OH MY STARS!

Needless to say, I was impressed with this dish. Just another excuse to walk more on the beach. 

This getaway needed. I am grateful for the opportunity to go.

I will close with this positive thought for the day:

You can do anything, or be anything you want to be. You are never to old to accomplish your dreams.

Every journey starts with a single step. Make today, the day you fulfill that promise to yourself and make your dreams come true. There is no failure, only feedback.

You are so worth it.

Replace one bad habit with a good one. Start small, baby steps, one single step. One day at a time. Live your life, like your saving it.

Mistie

You don't drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there.

I am back. Feeling better than I did yesterday. I feel good enough to walk today. I will get at least three miles in, sometime today. One of my struggles with losing weight is not eating after seven at night. I go to bed while my stomach is making more noises then the painting crew next door. However, I do find that it makes all the difference on the scale. I was very happy to get on the scale this morning as I am down the 4 lbs, I was up mid week.
Although my friends, threaten to hijack my scale to never return it. It's one of those scales that every time you weigh in, it's like a box of chocolates, cuz you just never know what you're gonna get.
I find myself leaning forward if I don't like the result, or leaning back, sometimes I stand up real straight and other times I stand with only one foot. I do this several times until I get a reading I want. I've named her Lyin Lily. I can't part with her. LOL

What keeps a person on the right track to losing weight? I honestly think that for everyone it's different.
Motivation dies out, but it's pure & raw determination that keeps a person in this for the long haul. Look, I think all the ladies in the world have tried to diet and have either been successful or not, but I will say this, sometimes I think there's an appointed time in our lives when God Aligns the stars and everything just clicks.

What keeps a person from moving forward in a healthy direction?
Allot of excuses with one root problem. Not loving yourself the right way.
By not putting yourself on the priority list. I find this allot with every Mom I know. They put their kids
first... How could they not right? Maybe it's because I am not a Mom...yet. I would like to think that I would have more of an attitude like this; I want to be around this earth as long as I can for my children, therefore, I am going to put my health first and make time for myself to work out and secondly, I am going to put my child's health right up there next to mine on the number one spot and as a family we are going to be more active and incorporate healthier eating habits. I don't see it as being selfish, by being a Mom and making time for yourself. A happy Mom, makes for a happy child. A healthy Mom, makes for a healthy child. See? Win win? Comment, if I am wrong? Maybe my thinking is not right. LOL.

My friend asked me yesterday.

"Where do I start Mistie?"

I told her, "Every journey starts with a single step. You start by putting yourself  BACK on the top of your priority list and work on your follow through, because let me be frank here, your follow through sucks."

I love that I can be honest with her. Beating around the bush, never got any brownie points in my book. A friend of mine always told me...

"Say what you mean. Mean what you say and don't say it mean."

Well okay, Maybe I need to work on the not saying it mean part of that. Okay, so I am a little rough around the edges but she gets me. I don't want to sugar coat it and make it look all fancy with a ribbon on it. She is my friend and this is her health, and I walk in love when I speak of to her about her health, even if it comes out like I am mean.

One thing that I can attribute my success this time to is the wonderful support that I get from my friends and family. I have been blessed. I cannot thank them enough for believing in me, for pushing me, cheering me on and not letting me quit. I truly believe that most successful people have someone or several someones in their lives that have spoken words of life over their hurdle. I appreciate each & everyone of my friends and family members more than they will ever know. My heart leaps, when I think about how much they mean to me.

Knowing that I am worth the effort it takes to turn my health around is the core of why I am on this journey to save my life. I didn't always think I was worth it, but slowly and surely. I know that I am here for a purpose and that purpose wasn't to be over 300 pounds.

Before, I was afraid to succeed.
Now, I am excited to see what success looks like.

I know that I will have another week like this past week and I am pretty sure I will feel like throwing in the towel and get burned out on chicken, broccoli and drinking water. I also know that I will pick myself back up and start over. This journey is about Ups and Downs but the destination, is all worth it.

I love the title of this blog. because it sums up my week. I fell in the water this week. I didn't beat myself up, I got out of the water dried myself off, put on new clothes and started over. That's victory.

Here's to investing in my future, one day at a time.

Mistie

My Test Will be My Testimony.

Boy, does it feel good to be back on track. After this crazy week.
I am going to take some time later today and plan my menu's out for the week. I do much better when I know what I am going to be cooking/eating all week long.

I am not sure that I will be walking today. I still am a little under the weather and I cannot wait to start feeling better so I can go out there and hit the exercise part even harder than before. I am approaching territory that I have not entered in over a decade.

I am so grateful to see the pattern of my last attempts at losing weight and even greater that with that knowledge I stopped dead in my tracks, and will try even harder to push towards that goal line. I want to lose 15 pounds in 4 weeks. Can I do it? Hell YES I can. Absolutely. Without a doubt.

I just know that when I get to my goal weight, I know that God is going to bless my tummy with a baby. The baby I've always wanted... and John and I can start a family. Oh my STARS! That is such a on going prayer and wish of mine and I just know that it's going to come true. God's promise, is the only one I stand on. He will not let me down.

Reflecting on the past year has been pretty amazing. Next month, I will have worked out consistently for one year. I've lost 45 pounds (slowly) but all the better for me to keep it off. I have stopped eating my 1500 calorie bowl of ice cream every night, changed the milk in my lattes to non fat and I eat whole grains instead of white grains (except my tortilla's) sorry folks, there is just some things that I am not willing to sacrifice.

But most of all, I've learned that by doing all of these things, eating better, working out, drinking my water, this is how I am loving myself. I used to go weigh in and head for the burger joint, telling myself, I deserve this.
Well actually No I didn't, nor do I now deserve that. That is sabotaging myself. If I want a cheeseburger, I can go and have one, but I dropped the "puffed out chest" - I deserve this mentality.

No, what I really deserve is a 5 mile walk and a nice healthy rounded meal. This is what Loving yourself is all about, taking care of yourself. I didn't always love myself, I thought I did, with food.

I would shove everything so far down, that I would numb myself with food. That did me no good. I would hate myself, and eat even more. Crying in pure desperation for God to answer my prayers, to save me from this vicious cycle that I was trapped in.

God didn't supernaturally deliver me and for awhile I was mad.. and the more I got mad, the more separated from God I actually felt. I went to Him in prayer and prayed "Why wont you save me?" I heard a loud whisper in my spirit say "I've given you the power to save yourself."
It was then I knew that my test would someday be my testimony.

It has been a long hard road for me. Food has always been there for me. It has been the one thing that I could rely on, and it would make me feel comforted because it was all I know and it was "familiar".  Learning how to cope with the curve balls that life throws at you, without turning to food is a challenge. Have I been successful? Not every week. I have made progress and for the first time in my life, I truly Believe in myself. I Finally, without a doubt know that with God by my side, I can be more than a conquer.

I stopped the rewind button and hit play. I am going forward.
I just watched a movie called Switch and the very last line of the movie, it moved me. Four simple yet powerful words... 

Life is in Session

That hit home for me. My life is in session, we don't get replay's. We don't get do-overs. We don't get rewinds. This is it. This is my shot to chase after my dreams. I am worth it, and lets face it all the exercise is good for me paired with the balanced eating. I am not on a diet, I am on a mission to save my life... as it states up above, it's in session. What are you waiting for?

Never be led by your fears, by led by your dreams.

Let's chase them together! All we have to do is

B-E-L-I-E-V-E

There is so much power in that, and positive reinforcement.

I am going to end this, tonight...by just saying, we are worth it.

3 Month Burn out.

It dawned on me this morning, that this month, marks three complete months of working out, eating right and losing weight. When I got on the scale this morning and it showed a gain. I didn't think anything of it, until it dawned on me. I've come so far, just as I have many times before and this is where I throw in the towel. I came home sick from work, so I didn't go to my official weigh in at weight watchers, had I not been sick, I wouldn't of gone anyways. This is how I handle a gain, I just don't go.
So, it's time for some damage control.

I took a three hour nap after straight shooting some NyQuil. It knocked me out. I woke up, I do feel better but very tired. I decided to get some nutrient in me, as I haven't had a single carrot or apple this week. I am not going to let this 3 month burn out effect my weight loss efforts, and journey this time. I gained 4 pounds. I said that out loud. So what, it's not that big of a deal Mistie, learn from it, move on and most of all get back that drive and focus.

URRRRRRRRRRRRCH!
Okay, so that's me turning this train around. I decided, I have all of this fruit in my house that I haven't touched, that is slowly turning... So why not juice? My body needs the vitamin C anyways,

I started with some Oranges, and then I got the pineapple out, strawberries and carrot sticks.

 I strongly feel that not only will this help repair my body back to better health, but it's a good turning point to start eating better, drinking water so then I can work out again.

I know it's so hard for people that do not have addictions to relate to, It's just so much easier said than done. If our mental state didn't have such a major role to play it would be so much easier. 

I know that I will conquer this battle. It will be done. I am strong enough and determined enough to do this.  I know that if I try to do this on my own, FAIL... if I do this with God, total success.. So going to prayerfully move forward, knowing I am not alone.

I will just end on this note, this juice....

Is my best yet.

Recipe.

4 Large Oranges
10 Strawberries
1 Cup Pineapple
1 Cup Carrots

Peel Oranges, Cut off tops of strawberries, Cut rind off Pineapple,  fill the shoot in the juicer... mix and enjoy this raw, pure concoction.

Enjoy!