Leap of Faith

It is less than a week before I head through those school doors to see what I really did sign up for. Making the decision to go to school was the easy part. The follow through is going to be one of the hardest steps in my life that I have ever taken. However, sometimes in our lives it is the road least traveled that is the more rewarding.
I only wonder... Can my brain retain all the new information?

I can only pray. Pray that God step in, because I cannot rely on myself to do this on my own. It would never work. I hate the "UNKNOWN" & the "WHAT IFS?" Right now my future is a big question mark. (((?))) What will my life be like in school? How much of a work load will it be? Will I make friends? Will my brain shut down or light up? Will I stressed out and overwhelmed?  I guess the biggest question that haunts me is.... Can I do this? Can I really do this?
The answer I keep telling myself is YES. Mistie, this is your life long desire to get an education and make something of yourself. Yea, you wanted to be a physcologist, but that is not feasible (time and money wise).... I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me. I am more worried about the Biology than anything but God settled my heart some on that, when my Pastor told me to find Jesus in the biology. That changed my perspective. I just keep telling myself "Trust God."

I had myself in such a state of panic of volunteering at St. Lukes... that is when I really started to doubt myself. I had no idea what to expect, walking into a room with medical people where I was the only one that knew nothing. Who was I kidding, I hadn't even started school yet? Would I remember how the wheelchair functions? Would the patients hate me? Would the PTA's like me?

Self Confidence is something that I lack, although better, still needs much improvement. When I was in Elementary, friends were in abundance, most of the girls I knew since Kindergarten, and everyone knew me for my personality and had no choice but to love me. When going into Jr. High, that was a fish tank for about 10 Elementary Schools. I felt out of my comfort zone because I was fat. When I was a kid, there were not allot of fat kids. It was out of the "norm" if you were big. I got teased allot, rocks thrown at me and while all the other girls were getting asked to the dance, making new friends, on sports teams, etc., I found myself making friends with the stoners. They accepted me, and they liked smoked. I liked to smoke cigarettes and pot. Whatever I could do to numb my pain.... I did. However, going down this road, lead me to drop out of school. I didn't fit in anyway. This did nothing for myself confidence.

So here I am 33 years old going back to school. Still fat. (and losing).... and all of those fears and feelings are rushing back in but with prayer the last few weeks, I must say those are easing up. Thank you God. This is going to be a BIG SKY HIGH LEAP of FAITH... for me.


Oh so anyways back to my St Luke's, I was stressed out, I found myself over eating out of FEAR. I am an emotional eater... and boy do I tend to shovel it in. I didn't even realise what I was doing...until the bag of chips was gone. I had tried to get back on program all week and was not successful, due to the fear. The day at come and it was my first day. I was trembling...  My sweet husband calmed my nerves and I prayed all the way to the Hospital. Lord wash away my fear! Lord please be with me today. Protect me from mean people or any accidents that might happen. I got to the Hospital and clocked in, found my way to the TEAM ROOM in the CVA unit. I opened the door, and all eyes were on me. I quietly stepped in. The chitter chatter that once was, had evaporated. I said " Hi, I am Mistie. I am a shadow patient escort volunteer." I was asked to wait around until 1pm. Ten minutes? So, I stood while PTA's came and went. I was assigned to a younger gal who ended up being so nice and we saw 5 patients within the 3 hours and it was a pure delight. God had answered my prayers and this was confirmation that everything was going to be OK & I was going to like doing this work. I even found it a great opportunity to pray over every patient we saw. Of course, they didn't know I was praying for them... but God did and that was all that mattered.

So the next day was Weigh In, - I hadn't weighed in - for 3 Weeks.... we went camping twice and not healthy camping either, all the bad foods, and with my fear eating I was so sad to see a gain of 9.4 on that scale.... but I kept focusing on the fact, that at least I went to Weight Watchers, old Mistie would of ran.. and kept gaining.... I had made up my mind. I was going to be accountable. I didn't have a lets get this 9.4 off this week either. That is not how my brain works... So I just started slow. I may only lose 1 pound this week and I am OK with that... slow and easy does it for me... I cannot go all out, I will set myself up for failure. I am an emotional eater / food addict... and diets don't work with me... so just need to Eat when I am hungry. I am struggling with my water... exercise has been on point... but my veggies and water... those two key points need to be stepped up next week.

Yesterday it was not so easy. I was on a different floor. I walked into the TEAM ROOM only to find it empty. Two gals walked in and they just stared at me and then one gal introduced herself as a Aide, I wasn't even thinking so I said" Hi, I am a volunteer-." Cut off my the other gal looking at me asking "Your name is Volunteer?." with a disgusting look on her face. I finished my sentence and then ended with and my name is Mistie. The aide just said go to room 209, patients name is William and PTA is Ryan. - I thought to myself ... What? Why would you not take me down there and introduce me. This is going to be awkward and akward it was. I go to room 209, there is no PTA in the room, just a nice gentleman on a bed. I didn't enter the room. I didn't want Ryan to feel uncomfortable while I introduced myself to him in front of the patient. I saw a PTA heading towards the room, I asked "Are you Ryan?"  He was. After I introduced myself, he had a puzzled look on his face, and just continued into the room. Greeted William, and in the between his conversation with the patient then said "So, Mistie I assume that I got an email that you were going to be with me today?"  - I knew he hadn't. This aid had just made a last minute decision to put me with him. He got the patient ready for Gym and said to meet us there. I was to follow the PTA, as he and I walked  down the Hall - I am pretty sure he thought I would not be able to keep up with his pace. Wrong. : ) I just biked 8 miles and walked one. LOL

On the way there, He wanted me to tell him about myself. I explained my goal for being there, the process I was in etc., He was for the most part semi friendly/annoyed/blunt. After the 90 minute session in the Gym was over, he quickly found someone else for me to follow. I was relieved. He was not my cup of tea. I was surprised he was in this field to be frank... I thought that most medical involved people were tender hearted, kind, wanted to help people, make a difference...? Anyways, it was a God send, I ended up with a guy name Dave and he was Awesome! He made me ask him questions, he talked to me the entire time, and actually taught me things. He said to be sure to ask for him next time I was on his floor. I will indeed David. He rocked.

I am just walking in faith. I know I can't do any of this alone.... God, is with me and He will see me through. I am so grateful for Him coming into my life. I never even would of attempted to do any of this, without his nudge that feels more like a push. When I lose all of my weight, even if it takes me 3 years which at that point, I will be graduating.... my self confidence in myself should be a tad bit better.  

Back to School, Back on Program

Well I can't say that this Summer has not been fun. I especially enjoyed it because I am thinner than I have been in years... and although I didn't really lose any weight this summer... I maintained with little ups and little downs.... I think there will be at least a 5-6 pound gain this Friday. I haven't been to weigh in - in over two weeks. So, time to pay the piper and wipe the slate clean.

I have exactly two weeks before school starts and I intend on using that time to get a head start on some Christmas Crafts and Home orginization. I have no clue what my life will be like once I have started school. I have heard that the homework and study time mixed with actual school classes is like working two full time jobs. This Christmas will just be simplified a touch. I have decided due to shortage of funds, I think on Christmas Eve we will go to the movies, maybe look at Christmas lights,etc., just not sure but it will be simple. I do know that.

So instead of going ALL or NOTHING now that I have been Off Program for two weeks, I decided instead of putting my body into shock, today I would focus on excercise ad getting my water and a few fruits and veggies in, tomorrow, I will work out twice, and do the same... but starting Friday - I will count my points, work out, drink water and tons of F&V!!!! That's my plan. Wanna lose the weight I gained plus some within two weeks, before school starts.

I go to S. Lukes today to get my badge, and a tour of the PT part of the hospital. Tomorrow at 1:00 PM I actually start my Shadow/Escorting. Then I will know, if I am REALLY made out for this profession. : )

Let's do this!

Back in the saddle again. I knew it would only take a few good days to get me back motivated and in the swing of things. I did pretty good with food/exercise the past few days and I feel great, feel thinner.. I love how it only takes a day or two to feel good. This is why I eat well and drink water, and don't eat after 7 and eat all my veggies etc., YEA!!!!!!!!

I set some new goals for myself. I want to be in a size 24 by Sept 21, a size 22 by OCT 21, a size 20 by turkey Day, a size 18 by New Years Eve!!!! Can I do it? Yes, I can.. gonna take some hard work, and some serious eating right and drinking water... sweat. Time to do this, what am I waiting for?
To get older? Is food really worth not achieving my goals? Is a moment of pleasure worth a life time of unhappiness? Nooo, it's not. I need to eat more fruit from heaven.... that's my goal this week. I made a really tasty Italian marinated veggies, I liked it... i also have been dipping veggies in hummus. So filling and Yum! I am all over it, but let's not get burned out ok Mistie?

I walked for 18 minutes on my treadmill today, did a little zumba and lifted weights. Yesterday I did zumba, Monday I walked 2.14 miles and Sunday morning I walked about 3 - no miles on Saturday. Tomorrow I am going to bike with Helmi - haven't exercised with her for like 3 weeks and then Friday, I will do zumba or bike after ww... and who knows what the scale will say since I was pretty bad last week and half of this week but I don't care, I am going anyway.... pay my dues and start a new. I have a brand new motivation and determination and I can do this.

I feel smaller today. I love that skinny feeling. I have been around 295ish since May. It's now July. Time to move into the 280's - Stop making excuses. I want need this BAD... so it's time to put my NEED before my WANT..... I may WANT food, but I NEED to be healthy and thinner so I can have a baby and live longer, and feel better about myself. I have spent 98.9 % of my life at this weight and damn what a struggle it is... but God says I am MORE than a CONQUEROR, and I can do ALL things thru CHRIST whom strengthens me. Time to have a KICK ASS day tomorrow.  - Going on a bike ride and then tomorrow for dinner, going to Jimmie Johns and taking it to the park to listen to a band and have dinner. May walk around the park before or after concert. Going to clean house tomorrow, and clean out sewing room. Time to get my list of things crossed off.

I can do this!!!!

A New Day!

Okay! Okay! Okay! Without the expection of exercise, I took the week off from Weight Watchers. I needed a break. To avoid a long burn out.... I had to stop tracking, counting and worrying about weight loss.
- Break is officially over. I started my day with a walk, and I planned my menu's for the week.

Tonight we will be BBQ'ing Buffalo chicken Burgers... I will take chicken breast's and pound them, marinate in buffalo wing sauce... and BBQ, baste with sauce, have on a sand which thin, with lettuce, tomato and blue cheese on a sandwich thin. I haven't decided on a veggie yet. Monday I am trying a new recipe, buttermilk marinade with fresh herbs for chicken kabobs, Tuesday will be Taco's and instead of a flour tortilla for me, I am going to have a Taco Salad, and incorporate my Southwestern Bean Salad in there. It's healthy but filling. Wednesday I am doing Pork Chops on the BBQ and making a Whole Wheat Penne Pasta with Fresh Summer Veggies... Thursday, I will do a tortilla crusted Tilapia and a Summer Veggie Quina Salad.

I am going to drink 100 oz of water everyday. I have not reached this goal once since not working. I also will work out for two hours a day. Even if I have to split it up. I will walk or bike, do zumba, weights and Pilate's.

I have to get over this little hurdle and start pushing forward and finish this.

I am blessed with a bowl full of friends that cheer me on and want to see me do this for myself, and health and my happiness. Thank you God for my bouquet of friends. I love them so much.

Burned out

Well this month marks my 7th month in Weight Watchers and I didn't realise it until this week. I am burned out. Please don't even feed me another egg, Blah! No yogurt, almonds or cottage cheese please. I am done. Put a fork in me. I am tired of counting points and working my butt off everyday for little weight loss...



This is SOOOOOO me right now.


Don't worry - I am not about to give up on my dreams. I just need a little inspiration. If I continue this road, the way I started the week off, it will lead to no where good, or where I want to be.


I need inspiration.... and that inspiration is a baby! I want to be a Mom. I want to be healthy. I want to feel the best that I can and looking great has its benefits too. So going to get up and kick off the dust and put my brain into action as to how I can reignite that fire that I have every January 1st!

Everybody needs a refreshed commitment.

I just know that I need to take a new approach starting tomorrow. I am going to look up new healthy foods that I can get in that have a variety. So I am going to go through my healthy cookbooks and start finding new foods that are good for me that I have not eaten everyday for last 250 days! LOL

This was a picture taken of me last October - I have to remind myself how far I have come.



October 2010 353 pounds



July 2011 - 293 pounds

 So even though I can't say I have lost these 60 lbs. at record speed, I can say that this is the farthest I have come in the last ten years. I can say that I feel better than I have in years. I can wear clothes that I haven't been able to fit into for years. This feels good and even if I maintain at this weight for a little while, I am ok with that as long as I do not gain.

It is time to reach inside of myself and get the strength to continue this journey and reach my next small goal. Today I set a goal that I want to be at 285 pounds by August 11th. It's not a huge goal, just one that is obtainable.

Stress B Gone

Well boy am I excited. Yahoo! Woooweeee! I think I'll just scream from the roof tops, if ya don't mind.
Yep, there is she is again, up there hootin and a hollerin.

Well let me catch you up to speed, this week and last week, I've spent several hours at the college, and unemployment taking tests, getting registered, doing research, filling out a ton of paper work... not to mention, doing my normal Diva Duties ... Cooking, Cleaning, Sewing, Water ting the lawn, Weeding, Laundry, on top of the pressure of picking out a career of what I want to do when I grow up.

I set my mind on becoming a Physical Therapy Assistant. I chose this for several reasons. I just cannot see myself sitting in front of a computer, being sedentary for the rest of my life talking to bitchy customers everyday and getting carpel tunnel from data entry. It ain't me. I love people, not all people... I mean let's face it... when it comes right down to it... I am picky. I don't like just everybody. I am not saying I hate everyone but I am just particular in whom I spend time with I guess you could say... but anyways back to my point. I generally do love all people and I especially love to help people. I don't want to work with things. I want to work with people and what a better way than to help people.

Not only will I enjoy what I do, but there are a few other reasons why I chose this profession. The hours are Monday - Friday, days, once I am out of school, I will get hired immediately. Now don't think I took the easy way out - my first challenge was to even get approved by WSU to be retrained, they do not consider PTA occupation to be in demand. I had to do a ton of research, write a letter why I want to do this, why I think it's in demand blah blah blah. Well I got it all completed, took it to the gal today and she was such a sweetheart. She could tell I really wanted this. She was impressed with all of the worked I had done and she called me this afternoon to tell me they approved me! YES! YES! YES!

Now comes the hard part. Not everyone that goes to school get accepted by the PTA program. I must start volunteering right now to get as many hours as I can, so when I apply in the Fall or Winter, I will have points. So Monday, I am going to St Luke's and applying for a shadow job. Watching Watching Watching. I will do one shift a week for 6 weeks. By the time school starts, I will have already have this done. In September, I am on a waiting list for Rock wood clinic's volunteer program.

As far as my weight goes, well ... I lost 5.4 last week making that a total of 61.4 lbs this week, not so good.
We had Cold Stone, Rocky's Little Caesars etc., I haven't worked out that much and I am dehydrated. So I will weigh in tomorrow and start fresh! : ) Hopefully will walk more next week and bike too.

Until I write again...
XoxXo to my one reader out there.

Summer Begins

Well it's been an exciting couple of weeks. John and I flew to Haines, Alaska last week. We spent a full 7 days there and truly enjoyed every minute of it. I have to be honest, I was not looking forward to the "traveling" part at all. Myself in a puddle jumper of an airplane? Not only was I scared half to death over the flight alone but the anxiety of "will I fit" sets in. As I scan over the small helicopter
(for some reason my photo insert is not working - will upload pic later)



I am frightened, how do I get in, will I fit? I am freaking out here... I have heard it said recently.. if your afraid, do it afraid. So I did.
Some guys walks into the airport, young kid, in his twenties, sunglasses on, flannel shirt.... and says "John and Mistie?"  He escorts us to this little plane and I ask, where is the pilot? He says "I am the pilot." Gulp. You have got to be kidding me. I am going to let a 12 year old put my life in his hands? As we walk on the tarmac, I looking to see how I get into this thing... there were two strips for traction on the wing and a handle, I got into it with no trouble at all. This plane had four seats, I took the one behind the pilot. I did need an extension for the seat belt, but once we got that, and I was buckled in, I was not prepared for what happened next. I loved it. It was one the best things I've ever done in my life. I have never seen anything more beautiful. I wanted it to last forever.

I managed to walk everyday while we were there, except for travel days, I did not. I weighed when I got home, and lost a lb. So, it's been a month since I got under my 300 mark, and I've stayed there. So, camping and vacation is over for now. Time to refocus. Time to get my mind set, and go after it. Pat myself on the back for maintaining for a month, but now time to push forward and lose some weight.

Not working has been a challenge for me, with not having my set schedule and sometimes feel as though I am mindlessly wandering about doing 100 things but not accomplishing anything. I remember having long talks with Sue... oh how we would dream of staying home and being on unemployment... and growing tomatoes and basil and .. and ... and... yea I haven't done any of that. I only planted my flowers because they were almost dead.

So today, I will do a few things paper work wise that I need to get done today, I will check the daily job postings, do laundry, and clean the bathroom. I have got to get started on a birthday gift for a friend, we are down to 30 days, and I have two projects to do. So that will be my goals for today. I already got 3.2 miles walked... and tomorrow, I will make an appointment for Zoe at the groomer, make an appointment to get my oil changed and I will also go to the FREE ROCK CHIP guy and get that repaired this week.

Off to do my to do list....
Menu:

Breakfast: Zone Bar
Lunch: Spinach Smoothie and a Turkey Dog.
Dinner: Italian Turkey Sloppy Joe's, Garlic butter Cashew Broccoli, and fruit.
Water 96 oz.
Walk 3.2 Miles
Abs: 250
Weights 20 minutes (Arms).