Roots

Today was a pretty blessed day. I got to have breakfast with my Step Mom, Jan. It was great to see her, it's only been 14 years since our brief sighting of one another at my Father's funeral in 1997. How I let this much time slip by without speaking to her just blows me away. We are family and for the first 12 years of my life she was a big part of my family.

Life has a way of forcing us to reflect on our past as we get older. We have brief moments that can turn into days of where we find ourselves doing nothing but looking back at our past. Feeling sad that things have changed so much, that people are far removed from our lives and some that have passed away. Depending on how far you want your mind to travel down that road, can lead you to a very sad place.

So I try not to wander to far. Sometimes it's to hard to come back to a place of contentment of not wanting to turn back the clock, say the things you should of and not saying the things that you regret. I wish that Jan and I would of never parted ways. I appreciatte her so much more now as an adult than I did when I was a kid. I think I always appreciatted her, I just didn't know what I had until it was to late.

Being a lost teenager you make mistakes and I guess that is why family loves us unconditional but can a step parent be equipped with that same unconditional love? I can only hope that this meeting today can turn into small steps of building a relationship, if she will have me. I guess I just want to reconnect with the woman whom I called my second Mom and get to know her again. No strings attached and maybe I can be of help to her the way she was to me when I was a small child.

I think we all search or yearn to find love, to be loved but sometimes its love of ourselves that is the most soothing. Without that, wont we keep searching for love and no matter how many people love us, it still wont feel like enough? I think that 2012 should be a journey of self discovery with me and Jesus. Find out who Mistie is and build a relationship with myself. Maybe then, I wont be searching to put the missing peices of my broken family together.

Jesus, can you fix me? LOL That's a big tall order there.
I am addicted to peace and that is it, that is what I am after in 2012 - Inner Peace!


Maybe the answer has been there all along, it was just right under my nose and I never saw it. Uhh, I will be a son of a gun. Maybe this entire time I just needed to start the journey to get to know and care for myself instead of always wanting love from others. Maybe I never fully have learned how to accept myself enough to warrant anyones love anyway.

How does one take care of themselves? I have always "loved" myself with giving into what ever desire I wanted, especially food. If I was upset, Food, stressed, food (sometimes cocktailes but then food afterwards), If I did something good, more food. Food, Food, Food. Always laying on the love in the form of food. How to I disassociatte comfort with food?

I will have to find comfort in other things. Like what? Jesus, writing a journal, exercise (Can one eventually find comfort in exercise?) call up a friend? Read? These all sound really great but will I follow through with these enough to turn them into a habit?

Stay tuned in my attempt to find out who I am, what else other than food can comfort me and how I find out how to truly love myself.

I am going to eat pizza now. That will help. NOT!

a year and still going

Boy, it sure has been awhile since I have opened up my weekly blog and spilled my thoughts over a hot cup of tea and a computer. So here I am, one week and a day away from starting my second quarter of College at SCC. Sometimes it feels like I am living a life, other than my own.

For the last 11 years I worked at the same company with the same people; it was safe, easy and on days that I didn't feel like it, I could do a good job with little or no effort at all. I am in a much different place in my life and it requires allot of effort. Effort to keep a positive outlook, effort to remain courageous, effort to remain diligent; on some days it takes all the effort I have to keep my momentum going.

I am not complaining. I truly believe that I am right where I need to be. Life is about change and this is an adjustment. 2011 has been a good year. I have laughed, loved, played, worked harder than I ever have in my life. The result, a 3.14 GPA and 60+ lbs. loss bragging rights.

As we near the corner to a new year, a fresh start and a positive outlook for a new beginning, I am most happy with the last year in passing. I don't have any regrets and I look forward to my accomplishments in the year to come.

I wish I could of had the wisdom I carry now when I was younger. How much easier life would be. How much pain I could of saved my heart and soul from. But, that's life and these are the lessons that make us who we are.

I look over entries of my diary's of past years; they all start with a desperate girl who wants to lose weight and makes claims that this is the year and nothing will stop her. Even the best intentions get some how get washed down the drain by the second week of January.  Maybe the desperation required drastic changes that weren't so realistic.

I am glad this year, I did it slow. I am glad that I didn't think that I needed to lose all of my weight by tomorrow. I took one day at a time and most importantly, I allowed myself to make mistakes, to gain weight and not beat myself up. I looked at the journey as a life style, not a diet. I over indulged and loved every second of it. Yet, all the while knowing that this was a temporary moment of pleasure and that soon, the treadmill would be under my feet and the water sliding down my throat.

I haven't set any big new year resolutions this year. I guess I just want to allow myself the chance to live my life and to love and honour myself as never before. Taking care of me and that doesn't mean eating a bag of chips. Where is the love in that? Changing my relationship with food has and will always be a struggle for me. I am and will never give up on my adventure to beat food, or is it the challenge to beat myself. This tug of war battle that has went on with food for to many years to count will one day be in the past.

I know that if I do what I can do, then God will do what I can't. It is His promises that I stand on and knowing that faith without works is dead. So I can have all the faith in the world to overcome this battle, but I need to continue to put faith into work as I have done. I know He is proud of my victory this past year. I am proud of myself too. I would have to say that my biggest achievement was that no matter what the scale said at  weight watchers, I still managed to pick myself up and try again and always knowing that tomorrow was a new day.

That is sometimes the only comfort we have isn't it? That tomorrow, his Mercy's are new everyday. It always amazes me that no matter how bad today is, that tomorrow could bring so much happiness. It is a wondrous thing and sometimes at the end of the day, it is only tomorrow that I have to be most grateful for.

I hope to really time manage my days better with my second quarter of school. It will require me to get up everyday at 4:45 am, drink or rather gulp down a strong cup of coffee, work out for an hour, hop in the shower, prepare a healthy breakfast and be out of the door by 6:55 am, off to School. I have made a schedule of house cleaning and the days that they are to be done. I will plan menus on Saturday or Sunday for the week, making crock pot meals on the days I am at school until 7pm.

I will have little time for socialization and this saddens me but I am doing something for myself right now. It feels weird to be selfish. I know the princess, right? Just because I am a princess doesn't mean that I don't think of others first, I love to give, love to spend time with my friends and most of all, love to do nice things for them. This all comes to a halt when I am in school. I am thankful for their understanding and support of my decision to go back to School.

I need to manage my time better... I need to make more time for Jesus, Even if its 30 minutes a day... something. I never thought that life would be so hectic while in School. Juggling three subjects, sometimes having a final, or exam on the same day.

I have a week left and I am going to enjoy my time off. I sit here now on my new lap top *thanks to my wonderful husband* in my kitchen, with a cup of cinnamon stick tea from Taste and Sea Ministries, listening to Positive Life Radio... my house is clean, and we have had a blessed Christmas having spent this Season with friends and family members on both sides, and we are so thankful to God for sending his son, and for his forgiveness. I know that Jesus didn't come and die so we could have religion, it was so we could have relationship and I find relief in knowing there is no perfection in that.

God is Good. Amen.

Here is rasing my glass to a wonderful year in 2012 and here is to another 60 pounds lost, a deeper walk with Jesus, a tight bond with all my friends and family and getting into the PTA program at the Falls. Getting PREGNANT. In Jesus Name.

Leap of Faith

It is less than a week before I head through those school doors to see what I really did sign up for. Making the decision to go to school was the easy part. The follow through is going to be one of the hardest steps in my life that I have ever taken. However, sometimes in our lives it is the road least traveled that is the more rewarding.
I only wonder... Can my brain retain all the new information?

I can only pray. Pray that God step in, because I cannot rely on myself to do this on my own. It would never work. I hate the "UNKNOWN" & the "WHAT IFS?" Right now my future is a big question mark. (((?))) What will my life be like in school? How much of a work load will it be? Will I make friends? Will my brain shut down or light up? Will I stressed out and overwhelmed?  I guess the biggest question that haunts me is.... Can I do this? Can I really do this?
The answer I keep telling myself is YES. Mistie, this is your life long desire to get an education and make something of yourself. Yea, you wanted to be a physcologist, but that is not feasible (time and money wise).... I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me. I am more worried about the Biology than anything but God settled my heart some on that, when my Pastor told me to find Jesus in the biology. That changed my perspective. I just keep telling myself "Trust God."

I had myself in such a state of panic of volunteering at St. Lukes... that is when I really started to doubt myself. I had no idea what to expect, walking into a room with medical people where I was the only one that knew nothing. Who was I kidding, I hadn't even started school yet? Would I remember how the wheelchair functions? Would the patients hate me? Would the PTA's like me?

Self Confidence is something that I lack, although better, still needs much improvement. When I was in Elementary, friends were in abundance, most of the girls I knew since Kindergarten, and everyone knew me for my personality and had no choice but to love me. When going into Jr. High, that was a fish tank for about 10 Elementary Schools. I felt out of my comfort zone because I was fat. When I was a kid, there were not allot of fat kids. It was out of the "norm" if you were big. I got teased allot, rocks thrown at me and while all the other girls were getting asked to the dance, making new friends, on sports teams, etc., I found myself making friends with the stoners. They accepted me, and they liked smoked. I liked to smoke cigarettes and pot. Whatever I could do to numb my pain.... I did. However, going down this road, lead me to drop out of school. I didn't fit in anyway. This did nothing for myself confidence.

So here I am 33 years old going back to school. Still fat. (and losing).... and all of those fears and feelings are rushing back in but with prayer the last few weeks, I must say those are easing up. Thank you God. This is going to be a BIG SKY HIGH LEAP of FAITH... for me.


Oh so anyways back to my St Luke's, I was stressed out, I found myself over eating out of FEAR. I am an emotional eater... and boy do I tend to shovel it in. I didn't even realise what I was doing...until the bag of chips was gone. I had tried to get back on program all week and was not successful, due to the fear. The day at come and it was my first day. I was trembling...  My sweet husband calmed my nerves and I prayed all the way to the Hospital. Lord wash away my fear! Lord please be with me today. Protect me from mean people or any accidents that might happen. I got to the Hospital and clocked in, found my way to the TEAM ROOM in the CVA unit. I opened the door, and all eyes were on me. I quietly stepped in. The chitter chatter that once was, had evaporated. I said " Hi, I am Mistie. I am a shadow patient escort volunteer." I was asked to wait around until 1pm. Ten minutes? So, I stood while PTA's came and went. I was assigned to a younger gal who ended up being so nice and we saw 5 patients within the 3 hours and it was a pure delight. God had answered my prayers and this was confirmation that everything was going to be OK & I was going to like doing this work. I even found it a great opportunity to pray over every patient we saw. Of course, they didn't know I was praying for them... but God did and that was all that mattered.

So the next day was Weigh In, - I hadn't weighed in - for 3 Weeks.... we went camping twice and not healthy camping either, all the bad foods, and with my fear eating I was so sad to see a gain of 9.4 on that scale.... but I kept focusing on the fact, that at least I went to Weight Watchers, old Mistie would of ran.. and kept gaining.... I had made up my mind. I was going to be accountable. I didn't have a lets get this 9.4 off this week either. That is not how my brain works... So I just started slow. I may only lose 1 pound this week and I am OK with that... slow and easy does it for me... I cannot go all out, I will set myself up for failure. I am an emotional eater / food addict... and diets don't work with me... so just need to Eat when I am hungry. I am struggling with my water... exercise has been on point... but my veggies and water... those two key points need to be stepped up next week.

Yesterday it was not so easy. I was on a different floor. I walked into the TEAM ROOM only to find it empty. Two gals walked in and they just stared at me and then one gal introduced herself as a Aide, I wasn't even thinking so I said" Hi, I am a volunteer-." Cut off my the other gal looking at me asking "Your name is Volunteer?." with a disgusting look on her face. I finished my sentence and then ended with and my name is Mistie. The aide just said go to room 209, patients name is William and PTA is Ryan. - I thought to myself ... What? Why would you not take me down there and introduce me. This is going to be awkward and akward it was. I go to room 209, there is no PTA in the room, just a nice gentleman on a bed. I didn't enter the room. I didn't want Ryan to feel uncomfortable while I introduced myself to him in front of the patient. I saw a PTA heading towards the room, I asked "Are you Ryan?"  He was. After I introduced myself, he had a puzzled look on his face, and just continued into the room. Greeted William, and in the between his conversation with the patient then said "So, Mistie I assume that I got an email that you were going to be with me today?"  - I knew he hadn't. This aid had just made a last minute decision to put me with him. He got the patient ready for Gym and said to meet us there. I was to follow the PTA, as he and I walked  down the Hall - I am pretty sure he thought I would not be able to keep up with his pace. Wrong. : ) I just biked 8 miles and walked one. LOL

On the way there, He wanted me to tell him about myself. I explained my goal for being there, the process I was in etc., He was for the most part semi friendly/annoyed/blunt. After the 90 minute session in the Gym was over, he quickly found someone else for me to follow. I was relieved. He was not my cup of tea. I was surprised he was in this field to be frank... I thought that most medical involved people were tender hearted, kind, wanted to help people, make a difference...? Anyways, it was a God send, I ended up with a guy name Dave and he was Awesome! He made me ask him questions, he talked to me the entire time, and actually taught me things. He said to be sure to ask for him next time I was on his floor. I will indeed David. He rocked.

I am just walking in faith. I know I can't do any of this alone.... God, is with me and He will see me through. I am so grateful for Him coming into my life. I never even would of attempted to do any of this, without his nudge that feels more like a push. When I lose all of my weight, even if it takes me 3 years which at that point, I will be graduating.... my self confidence in myself should be a tad bit better.  

Back to School, Back on Program

Well I can't say that this Summer has not been fun. I especially enjoyed it because I am thinner than I have been in years... and although I didn't really lose any weight this summer... I maintained with little ups and little downs.... I think there will be at least a 5-6 pound gain this Friday. I haven't been to weigh in - in over two weeks. So, time to pay the piper and wipe the slate clean.

I have exactly two weeks before school starts and I intend on using that time to get a head start on some Christmas Crafts and Home orginization. I have no clue what my life will be like once I have started school. I have heard that the homework and study time mixed with actual school classes is like working two full time jobs. This Christmas will just be simplified a touch. I have decided due to shortage of funds, I think on Christmas Eve we will go to the movies, maybe look at Christmas lights,etc., just not sure but it will be simple. I do know that.

So instead of going ALL or NOTHING now that I have been Off Program for two weeks, I decided instead of putting my body into shock, today I would focus on excercise ad getting my water and a few fruits and veggies in, tomorrow, I will work out twice, and do the same... but starting Friday - I will count my points, work out, drink water and tons of F&V!!!! That's my plan. Wanna lose the weight I gained plus some within two weeks, before school starts.

I go to S. Lukes today to get my badge, and a tour of the PT part of the hospital. Tomorrow at 1:00 PM I actually start my Shadow/Escorting. Then I will know, if I am REALLY made out for this profession. : )

Let's do this!

Back in the saddle again. I knew it would only take a few good days to get me back motivated and in the swing of things. I did pretty good with food/exercise the past few days and I feel great, feel thinner.. I love how it only takes a day or two to feel good. This is why I eat well and drink water, and don't eat after 7 and eat all my veggies etc., YEA!!!!!!!!

I set some new goals for myself. I want to be in a size 24 by Sept 21, a size 22 by OCT 21, a size 20 by turkey Day, a size 18 by New Years Eve!!!! Can I do it? Yes, I can.. gonna take some hard work, and some serious eating right and drinking water... sweat. Time to do this, what am I waiting for?
To get older? Is food really worth not achieving my goals? Is a moment of pleasure worth a life time of unhappiness? Nooo, it's not. I need to eat more fruit from heaven.... that's my goal this week. I made a really tasty Italian marinated veggies, I liked it... i also have been dipping veggies in hummus. So filling and Yum! I am all over it, but let's not get burned out ok Mistie?

I walked for 18 minutes on my treadmill today, did a little zumba and lifted weights. Yesterday I did zumba, Monday I walked 2.14 miles and Sunday morning I walked about 3 - no miles on Saturday. Tomorrow I am going to bike with Helmi - haven't exercised with her for like 3 weeks and then Friday, I will do zumba or bike after ww... and who knows what the scale will say since I was pretty bad last week and half of this week but I don't care, I am going anyway.... pay my dues and start a new. I have a brand new motivation and determination and I can do this.

I feel smaller today. I love that skinny feeling. I have been around 295ish since May. It's now July. Time to move into the 280's - Stop making excuses. I want need this BAD... so it's time to put my NEED before my WANT..... I may WANT food, but I NEED to be healthy and thinner so I can have a baby and live longer, and feel better about myself. I have spent 98.9 % of my life at this weight and damn what a struggle it is... but God says I am MORE than a CONQUEROR, and I can do ALL things thru CHRIST whom strengthens me. Time to have a KICK ASS day tomorrow.  - Going on a bike ride and then tomorrow for dinner, going to Jimmie Johns and taking it to the park to listen to a band and have dinner. May walk around the park before or after concert. Going to clean house tomorrow, and clean out sewing room. Time to get my list of things crossed off.

I can do this!!!!

A New Day!

Okay! Okay! Okay! Without the expection of exercise, I took the week off from Weight Watchers. I needed a break. To avoid a long burn out.... I had to stop tracking, counting and worrying about weight loss.
- Break is officially over. I started my day with a walk, and I planned my menu's for the week.

Tonight we will be BBQ'ing Buffalo chicken Burgers... I will take chicken breast's and pound them, marinate in buffalo wing sauce... and BBQ, baste with sauce, have on a sand which thin, with lettuce, tomato and blue cheese on a sandwich thin. I haven't decided on a veggie yet. Monday I am trying a new recipe, buttermilk marinade with fresh herbs for chicken kabobs, Tuesday will be Taco's and instead of a flour tortilla for me, I am going to have a Taco Salad, and incorporate my Southwestern Bean Salad in there. It's healthy but filling. Wednesday I am doing Pork Chops on the BBQ and making a Whole Wheat Penne Pasta with Fresh Summer Veggies... Thursday, I will do a tortilla crusted Tilapia and a Summer Veggie Quina Salad.

I am going to drink 100 oz of water everyday. I have not reached this goal once since not working. I also will work out for two hours a day. Even if I have to split it up. I will walk or bike, do zumba, weights and Pilate's.

I have to get over this little hurdle and start pushing forward and finish this.

I am blessed with a bowl full of friends that cheer me on and want to see me do this for myself, and health and my happiness. Thank you God for my bouquet of friends. I love them so much.

Burned out

Well this month marks my 7th month in Weight Watchers and I didn't realise it until this week. I am burned out. Please don't even feed me another egg, Blah! No yogurt, almonds or cottage cheese please. I am done. Put a fork in me. I am tired of counting points and working my butt off everyday for little weight loss...



This is SOOOOOO me right now.


Don't worry - I am not about to give up on my dreams. I just need a little inspiration. If I continue this road, the way I started the week off, it will lead to no where good, or where I want to be.


I need inspiration.... and that inspiration is a baby! I want to be a Mom. I want to be healthy. I want to feel the best that I can and looking great has its benefits too. So going to get up and kick off the dust and put my brain into action as to how I can reignite that fire that I have every January 1st!

Everybody needs a refreshed commitment.

I just know that I need to take a new approach starting tomorrow. I am going to look up new healthy foods that I can get in that have a variety. So I am going to go through my healthy cookbooks and start finding new foods that are good for me that I have not eaten everyday for last 250 days! LOL

This was a picture taken of me last October - I have to remind myself how far I have come.



October 2010 353 pounds



July 2011 - 293 pounds

 So even though I can't say I have lost these 60 lbs. at record speed, I can say that this is the farthest I have come in the last ten years. I can say that I feel better than I have in years. I can wear clothes that I haven't been able to fit into for years. This feels good and even if I maintain at this weight for a little while, I am ok with that as long as I do not gain.

It is time to reach inside of myself and get the strength to continue this journey and reach my next small goal. Today I set a goal that I want to be at 285 pounds by August 11th. It's not a huge goal, just one that is obtainable.

Stress B Gone

Well boy am I excited. Yahoo! Woooweeee! I think I'll just scream from the roof tops, if ya don't mind.
Yep, there is she is again, up there hootin and a hollerin.

Well let me catch you up to speed, this week and last week, I've spent several hours at the college, and unemployment taking tests, getting registered, doing research, filling out a ton of paper work... not to mention, doing my normal Diva Duties ... Cooking, Cleaning, Sewing, Water ting the lawn, Weeding, Laundry, on top of the pressure of picking out a career of what I want to do when I grow up.

I set my mind on becoming a Physical Therapy Assistant. I chose this for several reasons. I just cannot see myself sitting in front of a computer, being sedentary for the rest of my life talking to bitchy customers everyday and getting carpel tunnel from data entry. It ain't me. I love people, not all people... I mean let's face it... when it comes right down to it... I am picky. I don't like just everybody. I am not saying I hate everyone but I am just particular in whom I spend time with I guess you could say... but anyways back to my point. I generally do love all people and I especially love to help people. I don't want to work with things. I want to work with people and what a better way than to help people.

Not only will I enjoy what I do, but there are a few other reasons why I chose this profession. The hours are Monday - Friday, days, once I am out of school, I will get hired immediately. Now don't think I took the easy way out - my first challenge was to even get approved by WSU to be retrained, they do not consider PTA occupation to be in demand. I had to do a ton of research, write a letter why I want to do this, why I think it's in demand blah blah blah. Well I got it all completed, took it to the gal today and she was such a sweetheart. She could tell I really wanted this. She was impressed with all of the worked I had done and she called me this afternoon to tell me they approved me! YES! YES! YES!

Now comes the hard part. Not everyone that goes to school get accepted by the PTA program. I must start volunteering right now to get as many hours as I can, so when I apply in the Fall or Winter, I will have points. So Monday, I am going to St Luke's and applying for a shadow job. Watching Watching Watching. I will do one shift a week for 6 weeks. By the time school starts, I will have already have this done. In September, I am on a waiting list for Rock wood clinic's volunteer program.

As far as my weight goes, well ... I lost 5.4 last week making that a total of 61.4 lbs this week, not so good.
We had Cold Stone, Rocky's Little Caesars etc., I haven't worked out that much and I am dehydrated. So I will weigh in tomorrow and start fresh! : ) Hopefully will walk more next week and bike too.

Until I write again...
XoxXo to my one reader out there.

Summer Begins

Well it's been an exciting couple of weeks. John and I flew to Haines, Alaska last week. We spent a full 7 days there and truly enjoyed every minute of it. I have to be honest, I was not looking forward to the "traveling" part at all. Myself in a puddle jumper of an airplane? Not only was I scared half to death over the flight alone but the anxiety of "will I fit" sets in. As I scan over the small helicopter
(for some reason my photo insert is not working - will upload pic later)



I am frightened, how do I get in, will I fit? I am freaking out here... I have heard it said recently.. if your afraid, do it afraid. So I did.
Some guys walks into the airport, young kid, in his twenties, sunglasses on, flannel shirt.... and says "John and Mistie?"  He escorts us to this little plane and I ask, where is the pilot? He says "I am the pilot." Gulp. You have got to be kidding me. I am going to let a 12 year old put my life in his hands? As we walk on the tarmac, I looking to see how I get into this thing... there were two strips for traction on the wing and a handle, I got into it with no trouble at all. This plane had four seats, I took the one behind the pilot. I did need an extension for the seat belt, but once we got that, and I was buckled in, I was not prepared for what happened next. I loved it. It was one the best things I've ever done in my life. I have never seen anything more beautiful. I wanted it to last forever.

I managed to walk everyday while we were there, except for travel days, I did not. I weighed when I got home, and lost a lb. So, it's been a month since I got under my 300 mark, and I've stayed there. So, camping and vacation is over for now. Time to refocus. Time to get my mind set, and go after it. Pat myself on the back for maintaining for a month, but now time to push forward and lose some weight.

Not working has been a challenge for me, with not having my set schedule and sometimes feel as though I am mindlessly wandering about doing 100 things but not accomplishing anything. I remember having long talks with Sue... oh how we would dream of staying home and being on unemployment... and growing tomatoes and basil and .. and ... and... yea I haven't done any of that. I only planted my flowers because they were almost dead.

So today, I will do a few things paper work wise that I need to get done today, I will check the daily job postings, do laundry, and clean the bathroom. I have got to get started on a birthday gift for a friend, we are down to 30 days, and I have two projects to do. So that will be my goals for today. I already got 3.2 miles walked... and tomorrow, I will make an appointment for Zoe at the groomer, make an appointment to get my oil changed and I will also go to the FREE ROCK CHIP guy and get that repaired this week.

Off to do my to do list....
Menu:

Breakfast: Zone Bar
Lunch: Spinach Smoothie and a Turkey Dog.
Dinner: Italian Turkey Sloppy Joe's, Garlic butter Cashew Broccoli, and fruit.
Water 96 oz.
Walk 3.2 Miles
Abs: 250
Weights 20 minutes (Arms).

checking in...

It's been a few weeks since my last blog. Let's see, allot has changed. I got laid off. As much as I was embracing the very idea of being able to stay at home and clean, and blog, bake, walk and lounge.... I am not enjoying it as much as I thought I would.

I feel uneasy about the entire "jobless" title. I am trying to look at it as an opportunity to change the course of my life, for the better. However, with the same amount of bills rolling in, with less pay, doesn't sit well on my stress neck. I know it will all work out, and I am to take one day at a time while thinking positive, it still is an LEERY feeling.

I am a schedule person. I love routine and I love schedules. So, I thought that today, I would make myself out a schedule for each day of the week, for new things to tackle. Believe it or not, I have been pretty good about keeping myself busy and productive. I think even more things will get done, once I make a list. One thing that has helped my anxiety and fear is walking. I am so glad that I have Incorporated this into my lifestyle, because with out that, I would sit at home staring at the wall. Instead, I get up with John around 5:30 and walk my normal 3.2 with my friend Robin, go home shower, make my breakfast and then I plan out my day.

Last week I was busy with getting everything ready for camping. Which was good, took my mind off of not having a job, and what the future will hold. My friends are helping me stay cheered up and I am so grateful for them. Right now, I need as many social outlets as possible, so that I do not become inverted and a home body/couch potato. I don't even want to turn on the TV until late afternoon if I can help it. I refuse to spend this time off, watching TV and sitting on the couch all day. I will need a break here and there, and that's not to say one day I want to stay in my Jammie's and veg... but that will be a rare occasion.

I am going to call the school and make my appointment for my assessment test. I am going to work source Monday at 9:30 to sit in on a training class they have about going to school while receiving unemployment benefits. I also, will take my assessment text next week as well.

I just know that since this door has closed, another one will open... I am peeking behind the corner, to see whats next as my eyes are closed, I feel like I am gripping onto the wall, not wanting to move forward just because of fear. I know that I need to move forward, not stay in this spot... knowing full and well that my steps are ordered my God. Showing Him that I do trust him, and setting my fears at ease.

I will try to make it a point to blog more, I know it's healthy for me.... as far as my weight loss, I am not sure what the scale will say this Friday... as we went camping, and had kind of a bad run of naughty types of food... but I got back into walking yesterday, and that to me, is what's important. June may be a stead halt for weight loss, as we leave for Alaska next week. Wow, I can't believe that its the first of June already.

Well I have a few recipes to post and then I am off to run errands and get some things done around this hear house. The dogs do nothing except sleep, they are no help!

Coffee anyone?

Breaking 300

The last two weeks, I gained a total of three pounds. I knew something was wrong when I walked 23 miles in a week and came up at the end of the week with a gain. I realized that the majority of my calories are refined carbs. They may say, low fat, or be baked but at the end of the day, I was having far too many. What I was doing was not working. I needed to make a change.  I decided to reduce those baked lays, granola bars, the peanut butter cracker snacks, etc.,  just to see if my body would respond.

I didn’t feel deprived; I ate about 100 of complex carbs a day. I truly felt like I had lost and on my drive down to  Weight Watchers I had this anxiety that I have never felt before. I couldn’t wait to see the results. I got on that scale and JUMPED for JOY when it read 299. I have been struggling the past two weeks and to cut back on carbs and see a 7 pound loss in one week was AMAZING. Somebody pinch me!!! I wanted to grab Betty (my 99 pound 60 year old weight watcher leader) and pick her up and toss her up in the air. Although she was happy for me, I don’t think that she would have wanted to celebrate with me in that fashion.  I could not believe my eyes.  I hit three goals today, Got under 299, LOST 7 Pounds (biggest lost in one week – since I have been going to WW) and I hit my 10% weight loss goal. I felt like a million bucks. I just can’t believe the difference between eating less carbs.

I will not cut out  ALL carbs. I love my whole grain foods such as oatmeal, whole wheat bread, otter pops (LOL) the good carbs. I am not willing to do anything to lose weight that I won’t be willing to do to maintain it. When I started this journey last year I was 353.8 today I am 299.1 I have thus far lost 54.7 pounds.  This has been a YO YO struggle for me for the past ten years. I would start a diet on Monday and be off of it by lunch time.  It really did take me awhile to lose that 54.7 pounds but I am past the point of return. I love being active, I love walking, I love being able to do things that I couldn’t do at 353 pounds.  I  can fit into things better, booths, chairs, seat belt is more comfortable. I have much more stamina and I the walking has helped me with my overall mental and physical health.

Considering the week I have had, I am very surprised to have lost such a large number.  I am under some stress, and normally I would cope with it, by stuffing my face. Well, I didn’t this week. I reminded myself that it would not make me feel any better and it would not fix the problem. This week is going to be a test for me to continue onto my weight loss and track every bite, lick and taste. I live by tracking. For those of you who do not struggle with food (on a Food addict level) I highly recommending logging everything you eat.

For the first time I have to admit, I really want this and I deserve this and I know that I can do this. I never had any faith in myself. I always in the back of my head knew that I would never follow through with any diet or exercise plan.  It may only be 54.7 pounds but I am proud of every single one of those pounds. What I am proud of is that I gained two weeks in a row and I still went back. I saw the set back as an opportunity for a major comeback.  

I believe in myself 100 percent. I am so thankful and grateful for the friends and family that God has put into my life. Renea, Robin, Helmi and I are all on this weight loss journey together and I wouldn’t wanna do it with anyone else. We are all going at our own paces, and on our own journey, but we are not in this alone… every step of the way, I can truly say the support of those 4 girls and even my friends that are not on a “weigh loss” journey but have supported me the whole way (Pascale & Sue ) make all the difference in the world.

I am excited at the journey ahead and I just know that a baby is getting more and more real every day. I truly believe that it will happen.

Success feels great!

I may have lost the battle, but I am going to win the war.

There are times in our lives when we get pressed down, and things seem like they are caving in. In the past the way through these trying times was to open up the refrigerator door and push my feelings so far down with food that I would numb myself. I learned this behavior since I was a small child. Food has always been there to comfort me; it was the one consistent comforter in my life.  Being an adult, and now having God as my comforter, I still out of habit turn to food before God.  Learning how to lean on Him and not the tortilla chips and cheese will have to be a conscious effort on my part. I often make mindless decisions without even realizing what I am doing only out of habit.  Looking at the current circumstances, one would say, it looks as though I may lose my job. My knee jerk reaction is to freak out.

Financially we can’t make it without my income.  However, my inner soul says to rely, trust and wait on the Lord. I am reminded of what the bible asks, “Whoever gained one hour of his life back by worrying?”  It’s true. Worrying is useless. So I step out in faith, letting go, knowing that God will catch me.

I weighed in over the weekend; I gained 1.2 – Whew, wipes forehead. I really thought it was going to say up 3 or 4. My scale is whack-o! I did decide to limit my “junk carbs” processed cookies, cakes, crackers, ice creams… ya know all the junk food, even though weight watchers has their name on it and it’s only 2 points per bar, it’s still crap. I will also stop eating lean cuisines – those are also crap. I took the weekend off from working out, was very busy. I enjoy walking… I also enjoyed the two days off and I am pretty sure my body did too.

Unknown  territory.

Tonight I start Zumba. I am going to embrace it. It is going to be fun, challenging and rewarding.  I am off to work, to see what is what… and knowing that when one door closes another one opens.

Thank you!

I just find it so inspirational to hear the success of other people that have lost weight.
I find it even more so when it's my friends and family. I just have to say to my Sister Renea and my dear friend Helmi, that you guys are doing such a great job! Renea has lost a total of 22.2 lbs and Helmi has lost 72-75 lbs (not sure of the total amount) and I just want to personally congratulate you both but also thank you for giving me the inspiration to try harder and knowing that you both can do it, adds that belief within myself. So, just from my little corner of the world, I just want to say thank you and you both look so fabulous.
Your hard work and dedication has paid off . This photo, shows off all your progress….

My little skinny minnies!


Love ya both and congrats!

TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC – CHEERS TO A NEW START!

Well I wasn’t going to weigh in tomorrow, but I decided yes I will just do it. That way anything that I lose will be a loss next week. It’s really OK to gain, as long as I don’t keep gaining. My old self would just stop going to WW all together!

So my goal this week is to walk 20 miles, plan my menu and I do not want to use any of my bonus points or exercise points. So I am going to have to be creative in the field of power foods as now all foods are created equal. I am thinking turkey and avocado sandwiches next week for lunches on some really healthy wholegrain bread. Breakfast will be ½ cup oatmeal, 2 T. slivered almonds, Dinners, are going to be have to be… portioned out. I will need ALLOT of gum. That seems to help.

I also am going to get out in the yard this week and also attempt to finish some sewing projects that I have started. I have several stockings to finish, a few aprons to do and a quilt to finish. That should keep me busy for a little while.

I am trying to not let the pressure of losing my job get to me too much. I am an emotional, pms, eater.. So, need allot of  gum, and good foods. I have been making a smoothie this week.. and it is delicious. I use one cara orange, 2 cups spinach and ½ cup frozen berries and 4 fresh strawberries, so next week, going to try to put more spinach in the drink for my veggie as a serving of spinach is 3 cups, so need to do more. Drink allot of water and try not to eat out at all next week, if I can help it. IF we do eat out, than I will be good. I want to get back down to 305 by next Friday. So I am going to need to stay focused. I want to be by 299 by memorial weekend and would love to be 290-295 by June 10^th when we leave for our trip to Alaska.

So today, marks my start of a new week.

I can do this!!!! Gooo Mistie!!!

Still fighting...

It’s been awhile since I have taken the time to blog. Let’s catch up here, I lost 1.8 lbs. making my total 50 all together and 30.4 with WW, the following week I gained 1.6 and then I walked blooms day! My first race ever, walking. Boy was I sore afterwards. I will do things much differently next year but I am very proud of the fact that I completed it. I can’t fit into the shirt, the largest size they have is 2XX (not that I would wear it anyhow) Yellow is not my color.

I got great news from my doctor, telling me that I do have one cyst on my right ovary which has been causing me some discomfort, but with that came music to my hears. She told me that I am ovulating and that I am fertile. Some months, I do not ovulate, while other times I do. The reason for my irregular and lengthy cycles is one thing… my weight. All the more reason to lose weight, right? Right!

However, with all this being said, while I am totally on cloud nine just having heard the best news ever. I find myself in stepping into deep swampy familiar water again. Let me count how many times I have went on a diet, and then I get tired of the restriction, the counting, the vegetables, the just not being able to eat what it is that I want to eat. So then I start going out of control. I have noticed this behavior and pattern creeping up this week and while I am trying with everything I have to put a damper on it, I still seem to let food get in the way of my weight loss. I am so close to breaking that 300 mark, and instead of losing the 4 lbs. I needed to break it, the scale is going in the opposite direction. Then panic sets in as with the pressure and I sabotage myself. Well I just will not allow that to happen.

Knowing that there will be another gain on that WW Scale this weekend, is not going to stop me from going forward and getting right back up. This is where I stop the cycle and push forward in the right direction. Time to set some personal goals for myself, health wise, physically, home wise, life goals, all area’s… and stop focusing so much on the food (in the right or wrong way) and just begin to live my life and try to change my mind, change my life. My good friend yesterday reminded me, it’s not about a diet… this is about a lifestyle change and for the first time with open ears I think that I really accepted and understood what that meant. That means that I am not a failure or a winner by the scale, it’s about changing my life.. being more active and not living my life so far out of balance that I am stressing out on losing weight or gaining weight.

I put far to much pressure on myself, I just need to relax a little bit, move more, eat less and if I eat 3 servings of nuts like I did yesterday, don’t panic for petes sake. 

I remember John and I eating pizza every week, running to dairy queen for summer blizzards, fattening desserts every night. Heavy fatty, dinners etc., I have to look at the big picture and even if it takes me two years to lose this weight, so be it. For me, slow and steady. I cannot restrict myself because that will back fire on me. I get in my mind, I have to lose all this weight right now, so I can have a baby, because I am getting older and time is running out… that pressure in turns makes me stress out and I gain weight. It’s not effective. So right now, I need to think of what he most effective way for me to mentally prepare myself for this long journey ahead. I will say that I have come a long way in the means of I don’t beat myself up quite like I used to and for the first time in my life I can honestly say I love myself more than I ever have and I think that is what has helped me lose this weight. Before when I lost weight, it was always motivated by fear.. I can’t let that be the driving force, this time, it’s because I love myself and I want to give myself the best chance at living a great life and showing some appreciation to God, for the body that he gave me to take care of.

So, I have had at two week setback. Oh Well. It’s over. The end. It’s not like I murdered someone. Why do we have to beat ourselves up so much over something so insignificant? I will make it on this journey, I believe in myself and I will hit some rough spots along the way, but I will promise myself this, I will continue on, because I am worth it.

Dear Mistie

If I could write a letter to myself it would say:

Dear Mistie,

I am so glad that you have come to a point in your life where you are no longer participating in hating yourself, for things you eat, or didn’t eat, or how much you worked out, or didn’t work out, or the empty promises you would always make to yourself.

I am proud of you on so many levels. Your weight loss journey as been one that has been slow, yet steady, and even if it takes you two years to lose all of your weight, I just want you to know that, that’s ok. This is not a race, this is your life and you are making permanent changes, to a lifetime of bad habits. You didn’t get to be this weight overnight and you’re not going to take it off overnight either.

One year ago, you would go home from work every day and feel tired and fatigued and would watch Oprah, upon other shows, make a nice fattening dinner, eat, and watch more TV. Your back hurt you every night and when you woke up, you didn’t feel refreshed and lacked desperately the energy needed to go through the entire day. If you did have anything pressing to do that day that required energy, you knew you had better get it done first thing in the morning, because you were not going to have the energy to get it done later.

Do you remember how you stopped hosting parties at your house, because cleaning and then cooking the entire day, wiped out your back and your feet? Let’s talk about your feet, you walked with a limp because you had planters feitcias (sp?)so bad, you couldn’t walk. Going up the stairs, winded you and you craved a sedentary lifestyle.

Fashion Bug,  no matter how much you may love the store, you know it was the only would you could shop at. You were in the largest size they made, 32. You are now between a 28 and 26 (neither size fits right, one is a little snug and one is a little big) That is HUGE girlfriend, you are doing this! Shirts are looser, chairs fit better!!!!

You started at 2 miles an hour, now you almost have 3 mph down! That's pretty big too.

Sleep? You sleep like a baby! You used to toss and turn, and it took you forever to fall alseep.

Flexibility, your palms can touch the ground flat palmed when you stretch!

You have ended that vicious cycle of mental anguish of hating yourself for being overweight. You started a new diet every day, and would fail by dinner time, beat yourself up, and then eat more, and then feel even more worse.

I am proud of you that today, you zing out of bed and have the energy to walk three miles, work all day, go home and walk again, if you want, or do housework, whatever it may be… I just want you to celebrate how far you have come, not that it has taken you a long time, but rather, enjoy the journey, where you are now and know that you have peace and joy again. Your dreams are within reach. You believe in yourself again, and you are worth it. It has been allot of hard work, but he harder you work, the less painful it is.

I love you very much and don’t you give up!

LIVE YOUR DREAM!

LOVE,

YOURSELF!

Big WEEK

I am happy to report, I lost 3.8 lbs last week. This week is important to me, I have a goal to lose six pounds. While, it's a pretty big number, the milestone it represents is a BIG accomplishment for me. It will mean two things, that I have lost 10% of my total weight since I started Weight Watchers, as well as it means I will be at 299! I could hop up and down at just the sight of that number on the screen in front of me. Transfer that to the scale and you have a very happy girl.

So, how will I accomplish this mission?

1. Drinking 100+ oz of water.
2. Walking at least 3 miles a day.
3. Not eating after 7 pm
4. Eating fruits and veggies
5. Eating Fish three times this week.
6. Staying positive and blogging.


I have always been a golfer, and I don't mean in the sense that you might think. If you are thinking fields of greens, eighteen holes and a bag of clubs... you have me mistaken with my husband. He loves to play the sport of Golf, I hate it. Who knows, maybe when I am in shape, I may discover that it's been the missing ingredient to my life. (I doubt that very much).

When I say that I am a golfer, I mean that I eat my food very fast. I am sure the proper spelling or phrasing would be engulfing. I never was into grammar, or being proper anyhow, so if you don't mind, I will leave it.
Not only am I trying to eat slower, but I am actually allowing myself to get full before I go help myself to seconds. So waiting for my brain to catch up, signal that hey your full... is something new to me.

I am starting to believe in myself, a little more each day. If I can dream it, than I can achieve it. This is true for all of us. I truly believe if we have a passion or desire in our hearts, that's God telling us, this is your purpose. See it, Dream it, Achieve it.

I lived through yesterday without emotional eating and that is a BIG thing for me. I am not going to mention names, or events that occurred but I will just say this. Someone was intentionally trying to hurt me yesterday and they won. They stole my power, joy and my peace. I was so ANGRY with this person, it shook me to my core. I have never been so insulted in my entire life. Direct shot taken, to the heart. Mission accomplished. Mistie was down.

Wanting to throw in the towel, hands up in the air, put up my wall and erase this person from my life forever is what I wanted to do. However, God so had my back and thank you to the words of a genuine friend, at the end of the day, I felt much more loved, than hated on and this friend encouraged me to not quit, to keep going and to just be me... My friend reminded me that, even though this person was out to get me, that I had all of this support, and love from several people who love me and want to see me succeed and that have my back. This meant more to me, than my friend will ever know. The love and support from my family and friends outweighs what the enemy will do to me. He who is in me, is stronger than he who is in the world.

I have a long way to go to get to where I wont let this person bother me. I forgive this person AGAIN. I rest in knowing that this person is not going to get the best of me. This is your issue, not mine and I will not lose another day to anguish and turmoil in my spirit. I will do the right thing, so that I have no regrets not expecting equal measure in return.

I pray for this person, that they be blessed and stop being a JERK. Yea, I can say that. LOL but more importantly that I never be shaken again.
Whoever said being a Christan was easy, isn't one. It's the hardest walk I have ever done, but it's been the best path, I've ever taken and I am very grateful for the love of God, my husband, family and friends. I am Blessed in the city, I am blessed in the Fields.

He works things out for the good of those who love Him and I know He is working this out. I know that I can complete my journey on my weight loss, and I put my hope in Him. I am so glad I don't have to do this walk alone.


It is going to be a extremely busy week juggling about 15 balls.

Stay tuned.... : )

That's not my problem.

How do you not let someone else's issue effect you? If I were to choose a list of five things in my life to conquer, #1 would be food, #2, would be to let other people’s problems and issues remain theirs. Stop taking false ownership of something that wasn't mine to begin with. I am an over thinker, I internalize everything and worry too much. - Learning how to renew my mind. I believe that this is a side dish, if you will, of being a caring, loving and sensitive person. How can I be both someone who loves, but doesn't take the world on my shoulders?

This week, I decided I need to focus on me, the only person I have control over, is me. Learning how to live one day at a time, only focus on the things that I CAN control. I know easier said than done. It's not that I don't love, or care, it's just that by worrying about someone else’s issue or problem isn't helping me, or them. It's useless. I need to make better use of my time and power.

On a brighter note:


God made a beautiful day today. I got up and walked 3.25 miles this morning, it was very cold out. I have to get more miles in. The week before last I was sick, and last week with my vacation, I didn't walk as much. While I had every intention of sticking to my points and eating well while I was away.. Yea, that didn't happen. I am a sucker for shrimp that is fried and halibut, beer battered. We drank at least two latte's a day, that right there is half my points. So moving on, not going to dwell.

However, this will be week 3 that I am at the same weight. That is not ok. I am more determined than ever to stay focused... journal, track my points, walk and stay positive while I watch my portion control. I realized this is my biggest pit fall. So I must learn moderation, that would be #3 on the list.

#4 Would be to live each day inspired... to live each day with such a passion. Not jut today but...Every day!

#5 I don't know what number 5 would be, I will have to think about that.

Well I am off to start my day, making healthy choices and using wisdom. Inspired to get healthy, and treat myself with dignity and love.

4/5/2011 - Ticker update

The Sun Makes me Shine!

I don't know what it is about the sunshine, but it makes me happy.
Don't get me wrong, I love all weather, season's etc., however this winter seemed to start in November and clearly overstayed it's welcome. The last two weeks have been a constant rain, sleet mixed with allot of clouds and wind. Not today. Pure sunshine. It revitalized me. I walked 3 miles this morning before work. I Finally am walking 20 minute miles, compared to November, I was walking 30 minute miles.

I must say this; improving my stamina agrees with me. The more weight I lose, the lighter on my feet I will be. I am feeling strong today as well as very positive about the future. I have a goal to be at 299 pounds by the time I do blooms day. My goal is to finish it in two hours and thirty minutes. A week an a half ago, it took me two hours and forty three minutes.

I am so close to being below that three hundred mark. I need to stay focused. It's the next 45 pounds that will be life changing for me. I haven't seen a 2 in front of my weight since I was 19 years old.. WOW, that was 14 years ago. OK, stay focused Mistie.

I am excited to be going on a mini vacation get away this weekend to the ocean. This trip will be different than other vacations. I will still have to count my points and get my exercise in. I am excited to walk along the beaches for my exercise in the morning. I feel free when I am at the ocean. The ocean is so mysterious, beautiful, dangerous and yet there is this entire separate world beneath what the eye can see. I can gaze at the ocean for hours,soaking up the image of it's mass and am in complete awe of it's magnitude and beauty.

I also am looking forward to spending time with my husband, my brother and Pascale. Let's hope that Pascale and John can handle my brother and me in the same car for 8+ hours! Road trip. Love it. Fun.
We will stay in a two bedroom place right on the Ocean. We have a full kitchen, so we have the ability to cook our own meals, IF we want. I won't have computer access while I am away, so no blogging until I come back.

Last time John and I went to Lincoln City we stopped at a restaurant on the beach called, Kyllio's
This is what I had, and I will be going back for more.

This is a Parmesan crusted halibut with crab and tomatoes on top.

THREE WORDS

OH MY STARS!

Needless to say, I was impressed with this dish. Just another excuse to walk more on the beach. 

This getaway needed. I am grateful for the opportunity to go.

I will close with this positive thought for the day:

You can do anything, or be anything you want to be. You are never to old to accomplish your dreams.

Every journey starts with a single step. Make today, the day you fulfill that promise to yourself and make your dreams come true. There is no failure, only feedback.

You are so worth it.

Replace one bad habit with a good one. Start small, baby steps, one single step. One day at a time. Live your life, like your saving it.

Mistie

You don't drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there.

I am back. Feeling better than I did yesterday. I feel good enough to walk today. I will get at least three miles in, sometime today. One of my struggles with losing weight is not eating after seven at night. I go to bed while my stomach is making more noises then the painting crew next door. However, I do find that it makes all the difference on the scale. I was very happy to get on the scale this morning as I am down the 4 lbs, I was up mid week.
Although my friends, threaten to hijack my scale to never return it. It's one of those scales that every time you weigh in, it's like a box of chocolates, cuz you just never know what you're gonna get.
I find myself leaning forward if I don't like the result, or leaning back, sometimes I stand up real straight and other times I stand with only one foot. I do this several times until I get a reading I want. I've named her Lyin Lily. I can't part with her. LOL

What keeps a person on the right track to losing weight? I honestly think that for everyone it's different.
Motivation dies out, but it's pure & raw determination that keeps a person in this for the long haul. Look, I think all the ladies in the world have tried to diet and have either been successful or not, but I will say this, sometimes I think there's an appointed time in our lives when God Aligns the stars and everything just clicks.

What keeps a person from moving forward in a healthy direction?
Allot of excuses with one root problem. Not loving yourself the right way.
By not putting yourself on the priority list. I find this allot with every Mom I know. They put their kids
first... How could they not right? Maybe it's because I am not a Mom...yet. I would like to think that I would have more of an attitude like this; I want to be around this earth as long as I can for my children, therefore, I am going to put my health first and make time for myself to work out and secondly, I am going to put my child's health right up there next to mine on the number one spot and as a family we are going to be more active and incorporate healthier eating habits. I don't see it as being selfish, by being a Mom and making time for yourself. A happy Mom, makes for a happy child. A healthy Mom, makes for a healthy child. See? Win win? Comment, if I am wrong? Maybe my thinking is not right. LOL.

My friend asked me yesterday.

"Where do I start Mistie?"

I told her, "Every journey starts with a single step. You start by putting yourself  BACK on the top of your priority list and work on your follow through, because let me be frank here, your follow through sucks."

I love that I can be honest with her. Beating around the bush, never got any brownie points in my book. A friend of mine always told me...

"Say what you mean. Mean what you say and don't say it mean."

Well okay, Maybe I need to work on the not saying it mean part of that. Okay, so I am a little rough around the edges but she gets me. I don't want to sugar coat it and make it look all fancy with a ribbon on it. She is my friend and this is her health, and I walk in love when I speak of to her about her health, even if it comes out like I am mean.

One thing that I can attribute my success this time to is the wonderful support that I get from my friends and family. I have been blessed. I cannot thank them enough for believing in me, for pushing me, cheering me on and not letting me quit. I truly believe that most successful people have someone or several someones in their lives that have spoken words of life over their hurdle. I appreciate each & everyone of my friends and family members more than they will ever know. My heart leaps, when I think about how much they mean to me.

Knowing that I am worth the effort it takes to turn my health around is the core of why I am on this journey to save my life. I didn't always think I was worth it, but slowly and surely. I know that I am here for a purpose and that purpose wasn't to be over 300 pounds.

Before, I was afraid to succeed.
Now, I am excited to see what success looks like.

I know that I will have another week like this past week and I am pretty sure I will feel like throwing in the towel and get burned out on chicken, broccoli and drinking water. I also know that I will pick myself back up and start over. This journey is about Ups and Downs but the destination, is all worth it.

I love the title of this blog. because it sums up my week. I fell in the water this week. I didn't beat myself up, I got out of the water dried myself off, put on new clothes and started over. That's victory.

Here's to investing in my future, one day at a time.

Mistie

My Test Will be My Testimony.

Boy, does it feel good to be back on track. After this crazy week.
I am going to take some time later today and plan my menu's out for the week. I do much better when I know what I am going to be cooking/eating all week long.

I am not sure that I will be walking today. I still am a little under the weather and I cannot wait to start feeling better so I can go out there and hit the exercise part even harder than before. I am approaching territory that I have not entered in over a decade.

I am so grateful to see the pattern of my last attempts at losing weight and even greater that with that knowledge I stopped dead in my tracks, and will try even harder to push towards that goal line. I want to lose 15 pounds in 4 weeks. Can I do it? Hell YES I can. Absolutely. Without a doubt.

I just know that when I get to my goal weight, I know that God is going to bless my tummy with a baby. The baby I've always wanted... and John and I can start a family. Oh my STARS! That is such a on going prayer and wish of mine and I just know that it's going to come true. God's promise, is the only one I stand on. He will not let me down.

Reflecting on the past year has been pretty amazing. Next month, I will have worked out consistently for one year. I've lost 45 pounds (slowly) but all the better for me to keep it off. I have stopped eating my 1500 calorie bowl of ice cream every night, changed the milk in my lattes to non fat and I eat whole grains instead of white grains (except my tortilla's) sorry folks, there is just some things that I am not willing to sacrifice.

But most of all, I've learned that by doing all of these things, eating better, working out, drinking my water, this is how I am loving myself. I used to go weigh in and head for the burger joint, telling myself, I deserve this.
Well actually No I didn't, nor do I now deserve that. That is sabotaging myself. If I want a cheeseburger, I can go and have one, but I dropped the "puffed out chest" - I deserve this mentality.

No, what I really deserve is a 5 mile walk and a nice healthy rounded meal. This is what Loving yourself is all about, taking care of yourself. I didn't always love myself, I thought I did, with food.

I would shove everything so far down, that I would numb myself with food. That did me no good. I would hate myself, and eat even more. Crying in pure desperation for God to answer my prayers, to save me from this vicious cycle that I was trapped in.

God didn't supernaturally deliver me and for awhile I was mad.. and the more I got mad, the more separated from God I actually felt. I went to Him in prayer and prayed "Why wont you save me?" I heard a loud whisper in my spirit say "I've given you the power to save yourself."
It was then I knew that my test would someday be my testimony.

It has been a long hard road for me. Food has always been there for me. It has been the one thing that I could rely on, and it would make me feel comforted because it was all I know and it was "familiar".  Learning how to cope with the curve balls that life throws at you, without turning to food is a challenge. Have I been successful? Not every week. I have made progress and for the first time in my life, I truly Believe in myself. I Finally, without a doubt know that with God by my side, I can be more than a conquer.

I stopped the rewind button and hit play. I am going forward.
I just watched a movie called Switch and the very last line of the movie, it moved me. Four simple yet powerful words... 

Life is in Session

That hit home for me. My life is in session, we don't get replay's. We don't get do-overs. We don't get rewinds. This is it. This is my shot to chase after my dreams. I am worth it, and lets face it all the exercise is good for me paired with the balanced eating. I am not on a diet, I am on a mission to save my life... as it states up above, it's in session. What are you waiting for?

Never be led by your fears, by led by your dreams.

Let's chase them together! All we have to do is

B-E-L-I-E-V-E

There is so much power in that, and positive reinforcement.

I am going to end this, tonight...by just saying, we are worth it.

3 Month Burn out.

It dawned on me this morning, that this month, marks three complete months of working out, eating right and losing weight. When I got on the scale this morning and it showed a gain. I didn't think anything of it, until it dawned on me. I've come so far, just as I have many times before and this is where I throw in the towel. I came home sick from work, so I didn't go to my official weigh in at weight watchers, had I not been sick, I wouldn't of gone anyways. This is how I handle a gain, I just don't go.
So, it's time for some damage control.

I took a three hour nap after straight shooting some NyQuil. It knocked me out. I woke up, I do feel better but very tired. I decided to get some nutrient in me, as I haven't had a single carrot or apple this week. I am not going to let this 3 month burn out effect my weight loss efforts, and journey this time. I gained 4 pounds. I said that out loud. So what, it's not that big of a deal Mistie, learn from it, move on and most of all get back that drive and focus.

URRRRRRRRRRRRCH!
Okay, so that's me turning this train around. I decided, I have all of this fruit in my house that I haven't touched, that is slowly turning... So why not juice? My body needs the vitamin C anyways,

I started with some Oranges, and then I got the pineapple out, strawberries and carrot sticks.

 I strongly feel that not only will this help repair my body back to better health, but it's a good turning point to start eating better, drinking water so then I can work out again.

I know it's so hard for people that do not have addictions to relate to, It's just so much easier said than done. If our mental state didn't have such a major role to play it would be so much easier. 

I know that I will conquer this battle. It will be done. I am strong enough and determined enough to do this.  I know that if I try to do this on my own, FAIL... if I do this with God, total success.. So going to prayerfully move forward, knowing I am not alone.

I will just end on this note, this juice....

Is my best yet.

Recipe.

4 Large Oranges
10 Strawberries
1 Cup Pineapple
1 Cup Carrots

Peel Oranges, Cut off tops of strawberries, Cut rind off Pineapple,  fill the shoot in the juicer... mix and enjoy this raw, pure concoction.

Enjoy!

Sick!

I have felt this cold/bug coming on now for darn near three days. I thought I had fought it off with vitamin C and a small river of 100 oz. of water everyday. I haven't walked in 4 days, and my body is either in shock from the lack of exercise or this cold is really taking hold. As soon as I start to feel better, back at the walking again. I've done terrible this week, I took a vacation. Where? You ask. Well, a food vacation I reply. That's right. I didn't count points, I didn't even eat a fruit yesterday. I ate a cheeseburger for lunch (minus mayo and cheese) and then had pizza for dinner. Burned out on Veggies, chicken and fruit. I need a week in between where I mix it up a bit.

I hate PMS! Don't even get me started on that.  I could SCREAM "EVE" You little bugger you. What were you thinking??