I am hearing allot of talk about living life on purpose, with a purpose and having a passion for your purpose. The only thing I can think of right now that I would be passionate about is, being a Mom. I truly feel like I was destined to be a Mom. It's like I am not willing to accept the fact that I may not be a Mom. I won't accept it and I need to never give up on the dream of becoming one.
It makes me sad to not have a family. I don't talk about it allot but deep down inside to my core it really effects me. Some days more than others. It is all I have ever dreamed of since I was a little girl playing house "being the bossy Mamma" I truly feel like I don't have a family and the family that I do have, I don't feel like I belong. I feel so displaced sometimes and I just want to create my own family, I want three children. Two boys and a girl ok, two girls and a boy would be pretty awesome too.
I am so thankful for my husband and Mom. They feel like the only family I have. I really need to focus now on losing the rest of my weight. I don't know why I am holding myself back but I have got to push through, if losing weight is my only chance at getting pregnant than I have a big emotional hill to climb but the outcome will be great. I want children more than anything in life.
I need to have this be my anchor. I need to think of this and strive and believe that this will come true... The hole in my heart is so large and while I try to fill it with other things, it never works. If you are reading this, please keep me in your prayers to be a Mom.
Thanks!
